Take Me Back to the Start
by Queen Miley
Summary: Or, nine moments in the make-or-break period of April and Jackson's relationship following her return from deployment.


_To those of you that follow me for my Law and Order fanfiction, I promise, I haven't forgotten about Tethers. I've just been busy because of finals, but now that I'm done, I have time to write again! I was going to update Tethers first, but Japril was my first OTP, and in light of recent events, I have a lot of Japril feels. Please enjoy!_

1.

"You left. You just left. You always run. How do I know you're not going to run away from me again? For God's sake, April, we're married!"

As soon as she returned, April could see the hurt and the pain in Jackson's eyes. And when the crashing waves of relief turned to more quiet waters, she was not surprised to see the hurt return.

"I told you before I left, I was not running away from anything!"

"Bullshit! I'm glad that the experience was healing for you and I am glad that you're home safe, but when your wife leaves you for the better part of the year, I'm pretty sure it qualifies as her running out on you!"

"I joined the army, Jackson! It's not like I ran off to sleep with other men!"

"But you still _ran_ , April, just like my dad did!"

The glass she's holding shatters and bleeds red wine all over the carpet, and she wonders if that's what her time in the army did to her husband's heart.

She needed to heal, she needed to do something, she needed to get away. Not from Jackson, but from the babies resting peacefully in the hospital, and from the grieving hearts at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. She loved, Derek Shepherd, too. They all did. She truthfully never intended to run out on Jackson, but then Owen planted the idea in her mind, and for the first time since the loss of Samuel she felt excited for something. So, she bolted.

But at what cost?

"Jackson," she whispered, voice saturated with tears, "I-I never meant to… God, I am so sorry. I didn't realize-

"That I have feelings? Because it seems to me that you often forget that I do!"

"Yes! I mean, I don't forget you have feelings, but I don't know how to deal with them! Jackson, I know that this isn't an excuse, but I am so, so, new at this! Other than Matthew, you're the only man I've ever been with! I don't know… I don't know how to do this!"

"How to do what? How to not leave your _husband_?"

"How to _have_ a husband!"

Sure, they had danced around the issue of how good of an idea rushing off to get married off the bat was when his mother first heard of their wedding, or when they had the fight about religion and she was suddenly pregnant, but that was the first time one of them had voiced their doubts so explicitly.

"What are you trying to say, April?"

His jaw was clenched impossibly tight, his eyes brimming over with the tears he didn't allow himself to cry during her deployment.

"Jackson, I didn't mean-

But he was already out the door.

"It like that," she finished quietly, the numbness washing over her.

It was his turn to run.

2.

Jackson doesn't come home the next day. Or the next day. Or the one after that. He doesn't show up to work or return her calls either.

She's supposed that to put it lightly, she's earned it.

She understands that he doesn't want to talk to her, but he could he at least let her or someone else know that he's alright? She's running out of excuses for his absence, especially considering that he kind-of-sort-of runs the hospital.

It's not until Arizona forcibly pulls her into a supply closet and demands to know what's going on that she finally tells the truth.

"It's all my fault," she sniffles, wiping at her eyes and desperately trying to hold onto her composure. If anyone at work saw her with red eyes, the news that their marriage was in trouble would be all over the hospital in seconds.

"You know, Mark used to tell me that I would always bale on Callie."

Seeing the look of horror on the redhead's face, Arizona quickly backtracked.

"But you and Jackson are not me and Callie! You two will definitely get through this! Jackson will come back and everything will be fine. You two will work this out, do you hear me?"

It was almost reassuring, but then she remembered when she started crying during surgery and Owen told her that she and Jackson were not him and Cristina. They had temporarily worked through things, but were they doomed to keep fixing things for a while until they ultimately broke, just like Owen and Cristina and Callie and Arizona?

"I love him. He is my husband. I regret leaving him more than anything, but I don't know if that's enough to fix this."

"April, I think the fact that you left to join the military gives you a little more leverage to repair things than if you left the marriage."

"I know, I know. But this isn't the first time I've done something that accidentally shattered him."

The image of the broken glass and the red stain on their carpet flashed in her mind again.

"Remember when Jackson stood up at your wedding?"

"Of course. We wouldn't even have a marriage to be falling apart if he hadn't done that. Well, my marriage to Matthew would have probably fallen apart to, but-

"You need to stand up for him now. I was never able to do that for Callie until it was too late, and that's why we're divorced. But you and Jackson? You still have time. But you have to move quickly, April."

3.

As soon as she rang the doorbell, she began to wonder if flying out to Catherine Avery's mansion was such a wonderful idea after all. She had no guarantee that Jackson was even there considering that he hadn't returned her calls for over a week now, and she knew that even if he was there, that there was a good chance he and his mother would immediately kick her out.

But Arizona was right, she had to try. No, more than try. She had to fight with all of her strength.

Jackson was _her person_ , her best friend, and God's handpicked life partner for her.

"I know that I'm probably not your favorite your person right now, but is Jackson here? And if he is, can you please let me to speak to him? I know I messed up, more than messed up, actually, but-

"April, sweetheart, promise me one thing."

"Anything," she said, so desperately needing to see her husband that she forgot that agreeing to promise Catherine anything was probably a worse idea than flying out to her house unannounced.

"I love you. I adore you, sweetheart. But _please_ promise me that you will never make me see my son like this ever again. He is a complete wreck. I understand what it's like to be broken; my husband left me without warning, darling, and I did somethings during that time that I regret. But you do not do this again, you understand me? I know that you are not his father, so please start acting like it."

"Mom, we have to get going or I'm going to miss my flight."

Hearing his voice again causes something inside of her to break. She wanted more than anything to promise Catherine that she would never, ever hurt her son so badly again her life. But she had never meant to hurt him in the first place, just like she had never meant to when she found out that she wasn't pregnant and was a little too happy about not marrying him. Could she trust herself with him again?

The sobs bursting through her chest brought her to her knees outside of her mother-in-law's door. She knew it was ridiculous and inappropriate and that if anyone should be falling apart, it was Jackson and his mother, but she could not pull herself together. She loved Jackson more than anything, but was being with him going to do him more harm than good?

"Mom? Are you alright? What is going- April? Good God, what did you say to her?"

"April, April, April, shh. I was just coming home. It's ok, it's alright. Everything is okay, we're going to be fine. I've got you."

She sobbed even harder as he lifted her shaking body and carried her inside of the house. He was always so kind and caring to her, even when she didn't deserve it. She heard his mother's footsteps as she walked up the stairs to give the two of them some privacy, while Jackson carried her over to the couch, sitting down with her held tightly in his lap.

He gently shushed her once more, pressing a tender kiss to the side of her head.

She pulled away from his chest just enough so she could see his face. The apprehension that she deserved more than anything was there, but there was more love and concern than anything.

She remembered when he told her that he wasn't ready to be anybody's husband when they were trying to quit sleeping with each other, and boy was he wrong. This man was born to be somebody's husband. Her husband, that was, if she could get it together and stop ripping his heart to shreds.

"I don't… I love you,' she sobbed, "But don't deserve…"

"Shh, April. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You hurt me pretty badly, but you are what I want and you are what I deserve. We're going to fly home together and everything is going to be fine. Better than fine, actually. Much better than fine."

"But I-I keep hurting you!"

"That's what marriage is, sweetheart."

"But you haven't… n-not like I have! I'm trying, I-I'm trying to do better, b-but your mom wanted me to promise that I w-wouldn't hurt you so badly again and I-I don't know if I can!"

He sighed, mulling her words over in his head. She felt him shift his arms to pull her back so that she was more tightly secured in his arms.

"When you said that Matthew was the only one that you've ever been with…. You're right, April, there's a learning curve."

"B-but-

"I know, I know, I agree with you that it's not an excuse. _But_ , I do know you better than anyone else in this world. And I know you're not selfish. I know that the thought of hurting another human being makes you sick. And I know that I shouldn't have left, either. So how about this: you promise never to leave again, and we go from there?"

She took in a shaky breath. She was a runner, just like Arizona was when the two of them got too overwhelmed, sad, or scared. But she could promise him that. Looking into his eyes, so full of love after she had broken him to pieces, she knew that she would never leave him again.

"I promise."

"So," he sighed, "let's go home."

4.

Everything was not magically fixed, and the hurt that she caused Jackson was not magically erased. Leaving for nine months on a day's notices was just not something you could ever take back. But with a heart as gentle and understanding as Jackson's, you could begin to _slowly_ start moving forward from it.

"I need to tell you something," she said abruptly at dinner about a month since he came home with her in tow.

"Okay," he said slowly, "You can tell me anything."

She really didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to say it out loud, or acknowledge it, but she figured that honesty is one step towards repairing the broken trust between the two of them.

"I didn't… I didn't just leave because of… Samuel," she shuddered, saying their dead child's name out loud for the first time since he passed, "I also left because of Derek."

"I know, sweetheart. I know that you miss him, too. We all do."

"No, not like that! I mean, yes that was a part of it. My heart ached and still aches for his loss. But… there's something else. And I'm not proud of it."

"Is this about that not so subtle crush you had on him all that while ago? Are you feeling guilty about still harboring some of that hero worship? Because you don't have to feel bad about it. That man was freaking amazing at neurosurgery."

"No, not that! Umm, this is horrible, but I'm going to say it: I was angry."

"Angry? That he died? At… God?" he asked hesitantly, not wanting to fight about religion at that point in time.

"At everyone else at the hospital," she said quietly, "Did you… did you ever notice that with the exception of Arizona and Owen, everyone else just seemed to… forget that we lost our child? I know that this is awful and horrible and unfair, but as crushed as I was, I was hurt by and jealous of how everyone was so worried about Meredith and her kids. It's horrible and I'm ashamed, and I prayed every day for God to take that feeling away, but I was so hurt and then felt so guilty about feeling the way I did, that I just _needed_ to be away. And I know now that I should have ran to you, and not to war. Especially since now I realized that I left you so _alone_ , but I just felt so guilty, Jackson. And I still do."

"April. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

"Because I didn't want you to hate me," she said, staring at the ground, too ashamed to look at him.

"April Grace Kepner, look at me right now."

She begrudgingly and fearfully met his glance, afraid of what was to come next.

"You can tell me anything. If you're feeling bad, I want to know, okay? When the news broke that we got married, everyone suddenly felt like giving me marriage advice, and the one thing that I heard that actually sounded helpful was that we need to communicate. About anything and everything. And also, I just really love you, and I don't want you to be ashamed about anything that you're feeling. You're allowed to have feelings, April. Next time something is bothering you, come to me, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, a few tears leaking from her eyes.

"And April?"

"Yes?"

"I felt the same way."

5.

Regardless of what it did to the strength of her marriage, her time at war definitely made her a stronger surgeon. And it also made her a more urgent surgeon, which was why when she asked for a clamp, she wanted a damn clamp.

"Wilson, if you don't clamp that in the next five seconds- wait? Where are you going? Wilson? Wilson!"

Callie took care of it, and April does her best to push her frustration with Wilson to the back of her mind so she could focus on saving the life of the man lying on the table in front of her.

"That was weird of Wilson," Callie commented as they closed.

"Yeah, what on Earth was that? Has she ever done that before?"

"Not that I know of. Something must be going on with her. Hey, I got this, do you want to go check on her?"

April bit her lip, the patient was stable, and so there was no danger in leaving him. But she really didn't know Jo all that well, and surmised that the younger woman still had bitterness toward her for how things went down with Stephanie and Jackson. Still, last she heard Alex was in a surgery that was going to last a good while that Stephanie had also scrubbed in on, and if something was truly wrong she thought it was only right that someone made an effort to reach out to her.

"Sure. Nice work, Dr. Torres."

"You too, Dr. Kepner. And umm… April?"

"Yes?" she asked carefully.

"Are you, uh, doing okay? I know that Arizona is not my wife anymore, but she's still the mother of my child and you're important to her. And also, I, you know, consider you a friend, too. And you came back from war two months ago and just… have had a hard year… and are you alright?"

Jackson must have said something to Callie, or to Arizona who had something to Callie. Or maybe it was the fact that a month ago her husband had disappeared for a week and everyone had been able to see through her excuses. Or maybe Callie just cared about her and had a hard time showing it, or didn't think she could because she was her ex-wife's best friend. Or maybe it didn't matter because it felt _good_. Callie had a habit of being short with April sometimes, and it felt good to know that the other woman did in fact care about her wellbeing.

"I will be," she said truthfully.

"Good. And you can tell me to mind my business if I'm prying too hard, but are you and Jackson okay? Because he were all kind of worried when he was-

"Not here? Yes, Jackson and I are okay. We had some trouble… readjusting after I came home, and as you said, we've had a hard year. But Jackson is the one constant in my life."

"That's uh, that's beautiful, Kepner."

"Well I'm going to go check on Wilson now," she said awkwardly, not used to having heart to hearts with Callie Torres.

"Yeah, you go do that," she replied equally as awkwardly.

"And Callie? For what it's worth, Arizona has really grown."

She was about to give up on finding Jo, believing that the woman had probably left the hospital, when she heard soft crying coming from a bathroom on the third floor.

"Jo?"

"Go away, Dr. Kepner," she called back, but April did not listen.

Instead, she noticed that the stall that the crying was coming from was not closed all of the way. She gently pushed the door open to find the younger woman sitting on the floor, pale and crying. Was she sick? That didn't explain the crying, though…

"Please don't tell Alex," she whimpered, and _oh_ , did it hit April like a truck.

She worked in a hospital; she saw pregnant women all the time. And it hurt every time, but seeing her friend's girlfriend on the floor crying over a (presumably) unwanted pregnancy _hurt_. She flashed back to when she was scared after just having found out and having been fighting with Jackson… but they were married… _it wasn't fair_.

She shook her head, trying to force herself out of her grief. She could fall apart over this later, but right now it wasn't about her, it was about Jo.

"I won't," she said quietly, "but you need to."

"No! I mean, I know I need to, but I don't even know if he loves me anymore! He spends so much time with Maggie, I mean, Dr. Pierce… it's like he doesn't even care anymore!"

That night, the minute Jackson walked through the door, she ran to him, squeezing him into the tightest hug she could manage.

"April? April, sweetheart, what's going on?"

She pulled back, kissing him slowly, before whispering against his lips.

"I just really, really appreciate you. You are an amazing husband, and I appreciate you so much. I need you to understand that."

"I know, April, I know how much you appreciate me."

Except he didn't, because there were no words for how grateful she was for him.

6.

Of all the things that she missed about Jackson, both when she went back to her farm after she failed her boards and had no job, and when she joined the military, one of the things that she missed the most about him was his tongue.

Even if he wasn't quite possibly the world's best and most loving husband, the things that man could do with his tongue were enough incentive for her to never want to leave again.

Whenever they made out (because the two of them never went any further than that), Matthew's tongue was more or less haphazardly slurping around in her mouth. She dealt with it because she did love him in her way, or at least she loved what he stood for, and she knew that he was even less experienced than she was. Plus, the eagerness was kind of flattering.

Alex was much better than Matthew that one time that they were going to have sex but then he was a jerk, way back before she had even met the man that she almost married. Remembering Jackson punching Alex in the face for that little stunt made what Jackson was doing at the moment even hotter.

Except this time, his tongue wasn't in her mouth.

7.

She couldn't say she was too surprised when Jo Wilson showed up on her doorstep, with tears and mascara running down her cheeks. Jackson wasn't too surprised either, because while she was extra careful to not accidentally spill the secret pregnancy to anyone else, any secret that was hers was also Jackson's and vice versa.

"Alright, what did Karev do this time? I've punched him in the face before and I can do it again."

"Jackson," she hissed, "Jo, why don't you come inside so we can talk."

"It's all my fault! I didn't tell him but he finally figured it out because of all the throwing up and crying and now he hates me!"

"Slow down, he might be hurt but I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"Yes, yes he is. He asked me if I might be pregnant and then he saw the look on my face and asked me how far along I was. I told him that I was ten weeks but I found out when I was at six. I kept it from him for a _month_. And I know it's not an excuse, but he's been ignoring me for so long! I mean, I haven't been drinking at all and it's been so obvious and he only _just_ figured it out. How can I have a baby with someone who doesn't even pay any attention to me?"

Oh, April was all too familiar with "I know it's not an excuse, but…" She felt for Jo, she really did. Sometimes it was very, very hard to do the right thing when every fiber of your being told you to run from the situation. Not telling Alex was wrong, but oh God, did she understand.

"Man, Karev can really be an asshole sometimes," Jackson said matter-of-factly, earning a smack on the shoulder from his wife.

"What? I'm just telling the truth!"

"Yes, you were, but that was still not very helpful," April admonished him, rolling her eyes, "I think what Jackson was _trying_ to say was that sometimes your boyfriend can be a handful and has a hard time expressing how he feels about people, but that he does really care about you. And he will forgive you for this."

"How do you know that he will?"

"Because yes, Alex Karev can be an asshole, but he does realize it afterwards every time. He'll come around and realize that he was a part of the problem. I can't tell you what is going on with him ignoring you and spending so much time with Maggie, but I do know that I've never seen him as happy as he's been with you. And even Meredith has said the same thing. And you know what? If he doesn't wise up, I might just let Jackson punch him again."

"Thank you, April. But wait, why did Jackson punch him the first time?"

April and Jackson looked at each other, knowing that the story of the time he almost slept with April Kepner was not a story that the crying woman in front of them needed to heart right then.

"He was, uh… very rude to April."

Jo sensed that there was more to the story than what Jackson was telling her, but she wasn't in the mood to push on it. Besides, any story about her boyfriend being a jerk would probably just lower her already hurting confidence in him and their relationship.

"He thought we were engaged at one point. He really wanted to marry me but I wasn't ready," she murmured to herself.

"Ooh, I know what that feels like."

"Jackson!"

"Where did that go?" Jo asked quietly, oblivious to the exchange that had just taken place between the married couple in front of her.

"I'm sure it's still there, Jo. Listen, it's late, and you should get some rest. You can stay in our guest bedroom tonight. He'll come around soon, I promise."

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"April, are you okay?" Jackson said, keeping his voice down as not to wake their guest that was sleeping in the other room.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"April."

"No. I mean yes. I don't know. It hurts. It just reminds me of when I… ran," she said, cringing, "to Callie and Arizona's when I first found out I was pregnant."

"I know, sweetheart, I know," he said, wrapping his arms around his heartbroken wife.

"I'm glad that she trusts us enough to come to us for support, I really am. But it… _hurts_ ," she cries, allowing herself to shed the tears she had been holding back into her husband's chest.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. I know you miss him."

April heard his voice crack and looked up to see him trying to discreetly wipe the tears coming from his eyes.

"Jackson, it's okay, you're allowed to be sad about this, too. He was your son."

"No, I'm fine. I'm okay, really."

"No, you're not. You're allowed to be sad about losing your son, too."

"You carried him inside of you for five and a half months, April. Don't you try to tell me that this has been harder on me than it has been on you."

"Jackson, I don't care about who has had a harder time. That doesn't matter to me. You matter to me."

He shook his head once more, trying to keep himself together.

"You gave birth to him."

"And you were his dad. You _are_ his dad."

For the first time in their relationship, April was the one holding him while he sobbed.

8.

Jo was now visibly pregnant, and while it made April's heart ache, it made her happy to see that her and Alex were in a much better place than they were back when the woman showed up at their house crying. She hadn't heard all of the details, but apparently nothing romantic or sexual had ever came from the relationship between Maggie and Alex, and for that she was eternally grateful. Jo was very, very good for Alex, and as much as Alex and April had sometimes struggled in their friendship, she wanted to see her friend happy.

"Kepner?"

The familiar voice stopped her in her tracks. Was that…? Could it be? No…

She turned around. It was her.

"Cristina?"

"Yes, it's me, Kepner. Did you hit your head and forget all of the past ten years or something? Because I wouldn't be surprised if that happened. Anything goes seems to be the theme of this hospital."

"What… why are you here? I mean, I'm glad you're here. I missed you! But what are you doing here?"

"Checking on Mere. And I heard that Alex Karev was going to be a daddy and had to see it for myself. But while I'm here I also want to apologize to you."

"For what? For making fun of me while you were here? You're not the only whose done that."

"No. April, I will never apologize for that."

"Glad to have you back," she rolled her eyes.

"Meredith… Meredith told me about your son. And I should have come back then, or at the very least I should've called. You and I were never that close and I thought it might have been weird, but April, I should've been there for you. And I'm sorry that I was not."

"That means a lot. Thank you."

"Is it hard for you to see Alex becoming a dad? He's surprisingly wonderful with kids so I'm very happy for him, but you and Jackson should've been first. Sure, you two got married in a rush after you ran away from what was supposed to be your wedding and then got pregnant no more than three months later, but at least the two of you were married. I don't think anyone's that shocked that Alex Karev finally knocked up a girl out of wedlock, but you two had the sanctity of marriage and all that jazz."

April couldn't help but laugh despite the pain of the subject at hand. It was never like Cristina to tip-toe around people's feelings, and she was glad that it hadn't changed. It was comforting. And she knew that Cristina going straight for her Achilles heel was her way of showing that she cared for and was concerned about her.

"It is hard. I see pregnant mothers and their babies all of the time and though it's gotten a little easier, it still hurts and probably always will. But as happy as I am for them, it hits a little closer to home when the people having the baby are your friends."

"So Alex lets you call him his friend now?"

"Well, I don't know if he's thrilled about it, but he doesn't correct me anymore," she chuckled.

"Good. And you know what, you're not just a friend of mine, either. I'm a fan of yours."

"A fan? I have a fan? Why would the great Cristina Yang ever be a fan of mine?"

"Don't get me wrong, what you and Jackson did to Stephanie and Matthew was downright terrible, but man did it take balls for you to just run down the aisle like that. I had been waiting so long for you and Jackson to bang each other that when you guys finally did but then broke up, I was a little heartbroken. The fact that you chose to leave Matthew, who was all perfect and virgin-y and Jesus-y like you were for the man that defiled you, that was pretty badass. And amazingly terrible and dramatic. Weddings are usually horribly boring, and boy, did you bring the entertainment that day. Did you and Jackson plan that?"

"No! I did not plan to leave my fiancé at the altar!"

"Just like you didn't plan to lose your virginity."

"Cristina!"

"It was a very compelling story, that's all I'm saying. If it's any consolation, in a way, you did save your virginity for the man you were going to worry."

"That's not really how it works, but yeah, it did all come together pretty nicely."

"Are you and Jackson going to try again?"

She looked at the ground, knowing exactly what Cristina was asking her and not being sure of her answer. Sure, she had always dreamed of being a mother. But after Samuel…

"April, more than probably anyone else in this building, I am all for a woman's right to choose not to have children. Just because you have a husband does not mean that you have to have kids. That's why Owen and I didn't work out, and I am at complete peace with that, so don't think that I am here to home-wreck him and Amelia. But I do know that you are a mother. I am not a mother. I have never wanted kids and I never will. But you, you should be a mother. When you're ready of course, but you should have kids."

"Thank you, Cristina. I don't know if I'm ever going to want to try again, but I appreciate it. I never meant to get pregnant the first time around, but who knows, maybe I'll get pregnant by accident again."

"Anytime. I gotta go find Alex and ask him a million annoying questions about his girlfriend having a baby, but guess what?"

"What?"

"You're accidentally pregnant again."

"What? I'm not pregnant, Cristina."

"Yes, you definitely are. You're drinking ginger ale, so I'm going to assume that you're nauseated, and unless you're wearing a pushup bra, your boobs are way bigger than they used to be. When was the date of your last period? And what's with all of the accidental pregnancies at this hospital? It must be something in the water, just like all the deaths. Congratulations!"

And with that, Cristina Yang ran off.

9.

Alex and Jo decided to have a small, quiet wedding about two months before Jo's due date. It happened in their living room, and Meredith was the best man for what April was told was the second time, and Stephanie was naturally the maid of honor. Their wedding party was just those two people, but it suited them. Alex was wearing scrubs because he ran over from an emergency surgery and Jo was wearing a black dress, and it was quite possibly the most fitting wedding April had ever been to.

"You doing okay?"

"I'm fine, Jackson. You don't have to keep checking in on me every five seconds."

"I know, but you're," he pauses to make sure no one is around, "with child."

"And we got all the testing done and everything is _fine_."

She smiled, the two of them quietly had Arizona perform genetic testing as soon as they had found out that April was once again, accidentally pregnant. As far as they knew, no one else knew that they were having another baby other than Arizona and Cristina. It wasn't like Cristina to not tell every single person in the entire hospital, and especially Meredith, but she supposed that the sensitivity of the situation was likely what led her to keep quiet, which she was very thankful for.

And while they knew that this baby was perfectly healthy, it was still a very scary and emotional time for them. Nothing could _ever_ replace their Samuel, but Cristina was right, April Kepner was a mother. This pregnancy may have been sudden and unexpected, but after the turmoil and complete heartbreak of losing their first child, they knew that there would never be a right time to have another baby.

"Still doesn't mean I'm going to stop worrying about you."

"Yeah, you never stop doing that."

"Only because you're the love of my life."

"And you're the love of mine."

"We're going to have a baby."

"Another baby," she corrected quietly, not because she was hurt or angry, but because in her heart she felt that this was their second child, not their first.

"Another baby," he smiled, leaning down to kiss his pregnant wife's lips.


End file.
